Just as there are things we can do to build, rebuild, and grow our confidence, so are there habits that break it down. I’ve put together a list of the main 7 habits that kill confidence and why.
Number one: Procrastination
Procrastination is not about being lazy, it’s usually about being scared; being scared of doing something wrong or doing the wrong thing or being bad at it. Procrastination kills confidence because we don’t take a chance on ourselves.
Moving scared and being courageous is a huge part of developing authentic confidence so take a deep breath, count down from five, and get it done. Not only will you be proud of your achievement, you’ll see that you can do hard things.
Number two: Auto-pilot
I once heard someone say that routine is the killer of creativity, but it’s also a killer of confidence. If you don’t try anything new, how do you know what you can do? How do you grow? How do you move to the next level?
Try mixing up your day, even in just a small way; drive a different way to work, go to a different supermarket, eat dessert first! The more conscious you are of the habits you do on autopilot, the better you’ll be able to do them differently. Who knows, you might learn something.
Number three: Apathy
Compassion fatigue has been cited as one of the effects of the pandemic where we’ve been so busy looking out for everyone that we’ve just run out of energy. This can lead to apathy, where just don’t care anymore, not just about others but about activities or about ourselves.
This kills confidence because if we cannot take care of ourselves, we cannot take care of others, nor will we have the energy to build our confidence as needed. If you feel burnt out, exhausted, or you have just stopped caring about things, it’s important to rest.
Number four: Beating yourself up
I’m not against overthinking, there’s a lot to be learnt from unpicking and reflecting. However, negative spirals kill confidence because they drown out all of the positives about yourself and fail to recognise the skills you have.
To combat this try asking yourself questions like, are these thoughts about me true? Where have I overcome in my life? What are my strengths? Engaging with these questions will help you shift your mindset to one that can build confidence.
Number five: Unhelpful beliefs
Similar to beating yourself up, having unhelpful beliefs can negatively impact the way we view ourselves and our abilities. The difference is that unhelpful beliefs might have been ingrained in you for years and therefore might be harder to tackle.
If you find yourself coming up against an unhelpful belief, try asking yourself, where does this come from? Whose voice is this? Is it really about me? If you’re struggling to answer those questions or need support to unpick them, please reach out for support.
Number 6: Lack of direction
Where am I going? This is a question I sit and ask myself on a regular basis because it without it I feel myself being pulled in all sorts of directions and losing the essence of myself. This has a detrimental impact on confidence levels.
Having a big goal and small actionable steps to help you get there is great way to empower yourself. Remember to check in with those goals and actions regularly to keep you on track and find some accountability if you need it.
Number 7: Breaking promises to yourself
How many times have you said you yourself, I am going to… and then haven’t valued yourself enough to follow through? This is killing your confidence! However, it’s important to make sure those things are fit for purpose and not setting you up to fail.
Think of I am as IAM, impactful, achievable, and meaningful. Ask yourself, what impact is this cation going to have in the short and long term? Is it realistic given the other commitments I have in my life? Am I using meaningful language, so I know what I need to do next?
If you would like to learn more about authentic confidence and the work I do, why not come along to one of my free workshops? Multiple dates and times are available and you can sign up here.